When having a baby doesn't go as planned

I was having my first baby back in 2000; and the birth of our baby didn't go as planned I was healthy and ready to be a mom! I had always worked out and ate healthily, I knew my body could do this thang!! I did not work out too hard, didn't take any medicine, avoided anything that could potentially be bad for me and my baby...
The night came that it was time to have our baby.. The labor was freaken hard, and I thought I was going to die... It's time to push this kid out. This child came out, and it's a she! I am very heavily medicated, so I am not sure how things are going down there, if you know what I mean.. The nurse has the baby, and something is wrong with her hand.. What the heck could be wrong? I tell the nurses that they need to rub her hand a bit because she was in a ball for nine months for peet sakes.... "no something is wrong" they say. I start to hemorrhage and the doctor is panicking, "light on, lights on" the doctor says.

The baby is missing a left hand.. My baby has no left hand. Ben is a mess, and I don't know if I should calm the doctor down or calm Ben down. I am so medicated that I do not get the magnitude of what is going on, and I am dying here on the table, so things aren't going so good. The nurses take the baby from me and do not bring her back to me for many hours. I survived a bad hemorrhage but with a thousand stitches inside and out...  

Finally, they bring this sweet child back to me. She has a beautiful face, so round! Counselors come in to talk to us about our grief.. I don't even have a minute to grieve or just look at our baby; I just want hold my new girl. A surgeon comes into our room and tells us that we will teach our daughter to put her "little hand" in her pocket to hide it from people.. My mother-n-law almosts has a throw down with that doctor. Ben and I are so stunned and in shock I guess you would say.. Everything is happening so fast we do not have a minute to take this all in.

Everyone finally leaves, including Ben. I am alone with my new baby, and I finally have a chance to unwrap her and take a look at what going on. "Alright baby," I say, let me see that hand. For a moment, I felt like they gave me the wrong baby.. I did EVERYTHING perfectly.. I am the healthiest person in the world, and this should not be happening to me.... I wanted the nurse to take her back. But, in the quiet of the room I looked at at her sweet face, and I knew I could raise this precious  little baby to be confident young women. She is mine, and she is committed be mine. "Well baby, we can do this"! 

 My husband worked a graveyard when Rylee was little, so she and I spent a lot of time together. She would look into the mirror and say " I so beautiful, I so beautiful." She was growing into a confident, strong, beautiful girl!  

Rylee's favorite Mascara! 

Sometimes having a baby doesn't go as planned but it goes the way it should. I loved this child so much and treated her like anyone else. She learned to ties shoes, and use scissors like every other child her age. I would secretly go into the classroom at the beginning of the school year and talk to her teachers.  I would let them know that Rylee did not have a left hand but they are to treat her like every other child in their classroom.  I told them not to help her use scissors or thread a needle UNLESS she asks for help.  She grew up and learned to play the piano and guitar!  She asked me if she could play the piano like her sister, so I called the piano teacher over to our house to meet Rylee.  The teacher was comfortable teaching her to play and Rylee comfortable to practice.  She learned to play with two hands and I am not talking about baby songs, she plays beautiful music! She french braids like nobody's business and fixes her sister's hair as well. She makes pasta (gnocchi's) from scratch for dinner and has shown everyone that she can do anything she puts her mind to!

I am so lucky to be Rylee's mom!  She is talented, happy and determined and she can do anything she puts her mind to!  What a sweet spirit this child has.  When things do not go like you planned, try and find peace in that they come they way they should.

I would love to hear your comments or experiences that you have had.  I feel like we can give support and encouragement to other parents going through what we went through.  

XX Noelle

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